Bleeding the Wealth

I often think about stuff, mostly when I'm having my morning Pabst on the bowl. My latest mental rant took me deep inside the human mind's power/control of the known universe. I've always been one to say the everything exists in the mind of the beholder - i.e. you can control your own universe. This morning I was re-thinking this "theory" after a very exciting chat with a geologist friend of mine, on Sunday, about mathematics and the binding hold they offer as a constant in this big if we call l-IF-e. In minutes she was able to equate my life-long theories into nothing more than half-baked farce. Well - don't get me wrong, my previous belief structure was based on years of getting stoned and over-thinking everything. I'm not abandoning the idea, just researching more scientific explanations. So, back to the story - I have, since a strange night in Vincennes, IN, held a deeply hidden knowledge that math=everything and everything=math. If you have an equation, you can have a solution, provided the intellectual powers to find it exists. Given the proper information, mathematics can find a solution to anything life has to offer us. Really kills my idea of free will and freedom, I s'pose. My friends husband had a real problem with this as well - he says the there is no constant in life. All choices are completely of freewill and are responsible for shaping your future. Beautiful, huh? Brings a tear to my eye. No matter what angle I look at it, now, I just can't believe it. On that strange night in Vincennes, IN, back in '90-something or another, I was sitting on the rooftop of an historic hospital from the French and Indian war and was slightly enlightened with many thanks to the late Albert Hoffman and was staring into the heavens, slightly shared with the branches of a nearby large tree (perhaps the most organic shape we know) and everything began to work itself down into a grid of tiny triangles. There was not a shape, a flow, a wave, whisp or poof - there was not a thing that did not break down into basic geometry. It was on that night I knew that my entire belief structure was on the line. It was on Sunday I knew I was correct. I guess that says a thing or two about my calculation skills - uh, 20-some-odd years to figure it out. Now I have to begin the actual study so I can back it all with the equations and explanations necessary. Prolly another 20 years fer that to come to fruition. Another friend recently suggested I turn in my art degree for on in environmental science - and to that, I say, "The global economy would be in fer a world of shit when that happens!" Perhaps all this is the revelation needed to set in motion another direction in life. I feel like a remainder - just kinda float around 'till I finally work myself out into a whole number. Math, ha ha. Hate it.

I have talked long enough for now - time to grill some meat.