Wanna hear something stupid?

I've been a doomsday profit since day one. And I've always had my eye pointed toward them rascally Ruskies o'er there in the Soviet Republic.

These days - we sit in our comfortable gaming chairs playing the PS3 or whatever shit the kids are into these days, as peace dwindles on the smoldering horizon of Georgia and we think all is well in the world. Ha ha - NOT!!!

What is happinging, ma friends, is that Russia understands what the rest of us understand but are scared to know - shit ain't in balance on the horizon. We have a lot of countries mad at the other - and it is now a time that these folk stop believing in defense and start believing in alliance. There can be one world alliance just as easy as there can be a bunch of pissed off prime-apes.

Oh, back to the story... Wanna know why Russia really wants Georgia? I bet you do! Maybe not. Story over.


Naw - they want it cause they are rebuilding the Iron Curtain. You see, the cold war is over but you didn't really think that shit was forgotten, did you? Not at all!! Good ole' bushie is building a missile "defense" sys o'er in Poland and it appears as a threat to the Soviets. Is it? I don't know. I have my opinions - but that's for another place. Anywho - I can't blame it all on them - or all on US - its been building for a real long time - but the significant portion of this rant is that we, as a planet are digressing into some stinkin' damned dirty ahhhhh.... Copyright infringement. Oops. You all really need to get yer ass off the couch and drop that there game controller and, I mean - You all gotta try real real hard to right the wrongs of the power-monger bourgeois cause we is all on the edge of mass extinction. When the world powers start to draw hard lines, it cannot be good for anyone alive. It's like a couple of drunk bikers in a bar arguing over some blond bimbo. Its all a show of ego. We wanted to exert strength through technology by displayin' our newest missile defense system. Russia felt threatened and used the only means they could understand which would be - take over a neighboring nation - albeit ever so small and helpless. Of course Unkie S. Will want to puff his chest a lil' larger and so-on... Next thing you got is a world war or some shit. That won't be very fun at all, will it?

So - I'm losing steam on this one - but you get the gist, I'm sure. If you wanna enjoy your pleasant American lifestyle, it would be a good idea to regain control of your gubment (for the people by the people). You do remember that they work for you? eh?

This is R-Evolution - So Evolve!!!

How's it feel to be a cow?

A young man in an elevator strangled and beat an old lady to steal her cane. I laughed a little and vaporized the both of them with my ass. It was a satisfying day if you ask me.

I discovered a new kick today - pulling open light switched and grabbing a hold of the live post - you know, just for kicks. I was riding the blue-white dragon today, 4 times, because it made me feel like sex. Its the ultimate nervous thrill. Yeah!

As you can tell by my influx of tidbits, there has not been a lot happening at the edge of the known universe. I went back to my job today. That's where I took 220 to the money, honey... I never said I was an electrician, but I landed the task of equipping the mother ship with new, energy efficient light switches. My chief electrical engineer jumped ship halfway through the operation leaving me a screwdriver and a box of components. Strangely, it was a fun day at work all together. Enough work talk though. I'm wasting both of our time and I haven't even gotten 6 beers in me yet.

Good night, y'all. Sleep tight, whatever galaxy you may be resting in. For those perpetual light / dark solar systems, well - ouch!! Glad I'm not you. Take it sleazy.

Rainy Day Songs of Gray

Its been such a dull day. The temperature dropped quite drastically last night as the first substantial rain showers in several months began to fall. The sky has been heavy, gray and humid, stirring thick with nostalgia.

We don't get a whole hell of a lot of rain on the edge of the known universe. Its usually just vacuous. I'd really like to get back behind the wheel of my RSS and hit the intergalactic highway. It gets boring sitting out here, in the middle of fuck-all waving my dick in the solar-wind and sucking down Pabst Blue Ribbon. Don't get me wrong - its great, but routine really bites.

On my last and latest escapade, I realized that I desperately need to find myself a cute lil' travel companion and her cuter lil' friend w/ a low self esteem to travel with. These journeys just aren't real exciting w/ out. So - ladies, consider this an invite for you and your hot friend to ride (the Reverend) down the intergalactic highway in style... ;) (apply here)

Back to the rant - You ever seen The Dukes of Hazzard? The original one that was on TV? Well, remember how stanky that town looked? Kinda a podunk pile of shit in the middle of bum-fucked Egypt.... Well - imagine that town, no Daisy Duke, popping up in a puddle of piss next to a hillbilly's toilet, and you have the edge of the known universe. 'Round here, we go to the bar to forget the men aren't women!

Oh yeah, before I forget, go here to learn great things about the energy crisis and some simple solutions.

Ok, So, I was down at the bar the other day, trying to forget the men weren't women, and just sweatin' down my sac like no other; and there were flies on me and they didn't care that I didn't care they were there - when, all of a sudden, like some strange dream, masked in a haze of space-dust and comet-steam backed by the bright light of the Owl Nebula, way off in the distant sky - a WOMAN walked in the front door. You better bet yer ass that every man there either dropped their drink - or their slumped, drunken bodies instantly hit the floor. It's been an eon since one of 'em stepped into our dank drink-pit. If you listened close enough, you could hear the leathery skin of every man there's prick creak and crackle like a rusty door-hinge as they all simultaneously, albeit slowly, woke up to stand at attention. A sound more disturbing than church. This beautiful gal and her 2 white teeth walked in and gave us all the stare-down. We was like a bunch of slobbering dogs dumbfounded with starvation and drooling. "Pick me, pick me!!!", Aurther the amputee was squealing quietly at the end of the bar. Without a word, lil' missy walked over to me, sensually stared me up and down, winked - then punched me square in the fuckin' nuts!!!!! I think everyone there felt it the same as me as there was not a snort of laughter when I hit the floor.

Turned out the dumb cunt was from the planet Lesbos, sister planet to the tiny island of Lesbos just outside of Greece on Earth.

Hell, everyone knows that all lesbians are from Lesbos.....

---

Its Not a Red Meat Kind of Hate....

It looks like we're drawing a line in the sand for the commie reds again - surely ushering in a new age of "Cold War". I think it is necessary, because they were never our allies - just our dependents. We accepted that responsibility in order to project the image of solidarity between the two world powers - but you'd have to be a damned fool to believe for a minute they cared about the well-being of the American people. Now that they have suckled from the tit until it has run dry, they no longer desire, no longer need our friendship on a world scale. This only leads me to ask, "Will we put Osama B. L. back on the pay-roll to help fight the reds again?" It wouldn't be the first, uh, second, uh...... Well, whatever time this is, good thing he's still kickin' huh?

It was 19 years ago, when Regan and Bush were the headliners, that I first visualized the Bush family as the catalyst for the end of times as we know them - and that belief is quickly developing into a harsh reality via his (Bush Sr.) sub-evil offspring. WWIII could be yours for the price of a few wii's -what do you think???? Fatten up yer kids, make 'em immobile so the goons can rape 'em w/ out effort - cause, you know, we wouldn't want to make it too difficult for our organized crime / gubment men to rape your children and their future and their innocence and their dreams - hell fuck children. Let's just ride this pending war out like some giant wave off the shore of Maui....

Vote against germicide!!!

On a serious note...

There's nothing that gets my goat like them scum-rat right-wing moral-majority anti-abortion cunts who think that their absurd beliefs are enough justification to change the freedoms of everyone around them.

I'm gonna Darwin their ass' back to the primordial ooze from which they evolved. This is serious, as a heart attack. I need support in launching a movement to ban germicide. Yep - you heard me, no more sanitation. It is wrong to destroy all of these defenseless organisms. For all we know, they could be the building-blocks to future sentient life forms. You know, when exactly DOES life begin???

So - if a mother can't terminate a pregnancy because life begins at conception - I don't believe it would be right to exclude all the single-celled organisms, struggling to survive on or in our bodies.

Vote for me, bro. Vote against germicide!!!

Free Pizzas for Just Five Bucks!!!

Wow - what a short vacation that was. Yes, I left on vacation yesterday. I'm home today. I had a blast in the hot springs. I may have even gotten hit on by an old man in a Speedo right as the sun set. When I got out I was shivering so hard it made my hands itch. Talk about strange....

....but STRANGE is waking up in the most beautiful, quiet, isolated camp-site around, looking out over the miles and miles of rolling hills and smog-laden cities and thinking to yourself, "I am just not enjoying this." It was like a tsunami wave breaking on Thailand - a heavy wash of depression swept over my entire body while I sat before a Universe state map trying to plan my next move. I had no money, no gas, no company - I had no thrill. The Thrill is gone.

There were moments in the travel that are of mention. You know - when the Reverend travels, freaky shit happens. This was by far the most tame of all my outings, as all freakish occurrences were directly related to your humble narrator acting a fool.

Let me begin with the 2 sorority sisters I followed up to 12,500 feet above sea level. I came out of the restroom, quite dizzy from the height, and saw 2 adorable, round-assed young co-eds complete with the freshman-5 and all heading up the side of the mountain. There was a terrible storm brewing just over the divide and I knew it wasn't safe for them without the escort of a horny older gentleman. It was a gruesome climb which caused my brain to stoke and small bursts of color enveloped my field of vision - however, the top did arrive just as I was sure god-himself (keep in mind, I'm a secularist) was reaching down to push me off the edge of the mountain. I lost the girls during my hallucinatory event, so I had to sort through a variety of other, hotter foreign women to find them. Viola!!! They was trying to take pictures of each other at the 12,500 ft sign. I stumbled in from the left to offer my assistance in creating a photographic moment that they both could share and was met with giggles and indifference. The pic happened and they quickly found their way off the mountain. Then I helped some dude w/ a pic in exchange for one of myself. The storm was just hitting hard (oh yeah, remember the storm?) so I went back to the truck and made my exit. On the way down I began to think my nut-sac was feeling kinda breezy. I looked down and the ole' barn door was swinging WIDE open. Score 1 for embarrassment.

I think I made mention earlier - but we'll move on to another tale of the bizarre: I went to the hot springs to relax. I was also curios about the clientele that would arrive after dark for the clothing optional bathe. I was getting excited when a stream of young couples - or, um, young ladies began to roll in. There were some lookers. Right dusk began to become night, a shaven man in a Speedo swam up and sat next to me. Though I was happy to have a conversational partner, I could tell this guy was trying to play "dirty pool". I was polite but not responsive - so he began to swim around in front of me. I grabbed my water and left him prancing in the steam. The drastic change from 110 degree water to 62 degree night air sent me into shivers so extreme that my palms started itching. It was hell, but I braved the extremes and made it to the truck to change. As I dropped my swim pants the van next to me lit up and about 10 high school girls poured out the side. Does that count as being naked w/ 12 teens girls???

I could go on - but I won't The rest of my tales make me out to be too pimp and wouldn't give all the other guys on this board a chance w/ the ladies.

I don't know what to do with the rest of this week. Maybe ride my cycle or get drunk on Pabst Blue Ribbon brand beer. Maybe I'll do both. This 2 day 1 night vacation was a 17 PBR trip altogether. Pretty light if you ask me.

Dr. Jekyl in in your Hyde.....

Its another night in August in this god-forsaken nebula!!! At least our dry spell was broken with a nice mid-afternoon asteroid shower. These, here, are the dog-days of interstellar summer if I ever done seen 'em. Let me tell you about a time - when I was vacationing in the Owl Nebula:

On that side of the universe it gets real hot around August. I was in my RSS (Recreational Space Ship) drinking a liquid nitrogen cooled Pabst Blue Ribbon beer and thinking about that sticky hot drop of sweat slowly running down my inner thigh, off of the underside of my sac - when, as if all of a sudden, a glovaklee - sort of an other galaxy dog-like critter with hippopotamus personality - came barreling out of a grove of teughtag (unpronounced toe-tag) straight toward the teughtag stump I was sitting upon. I was sure it was the end - I mean, have you ever seen a glovaklee?!?!? Well - there I was with this 7000 lb 3ft tall critter runnin' straight for me with the fury of Bob (that's right y'all, there is no god - only Bob) in its eyes, huffin' and-a snortin' and I was shakin' and peein' all down my leg - thus negating the tiny drop of sweat that had previously consumed all of my attention - and I was SURE that it was over for me. I bent down and I balled up in a little tiny ball - smaller that the fetus I grew big from - an I just cried. I could hear its 6 nurndurots pounding down on the dust creating a mighty cloud. It became hard to breath with all the debris in the air - then, almost as immediately as they began, the thudding nurndurots stopped in a magenta cloud of polyester dust and the glovaklee stopped and he looked down at me and he said, "Sure is hot... huh?"

Bleeding the Wealth

I often think about stuff, mostly when I'm having my morning Pabst on the bowl. My latest mental rant took me deep inside the human mind's power/control of the known universe. I've always been one to say the everything exists in the mind of the beholder - i.e. you can control your own universe. This morning I was re-thinking this "theory" after a very exciting chat with a geologist friend of mine, on Sunday, about mathematics and the binding hold they offer as a constant in this big if we call l-IF-e. In minutes she was able to equate my life-long theories into nothing more than half-baked farce. Well - don't get me wrong, my previous belief structure was based on years of getting stoned and over-thinking everything. I'm not abandoning the idea, just researching more scientific explanations. So, back to the story - I have, since a strange night in Vincennes, IN, held a deeply hidden knowledge that math=everything and everything=math. If you have an equation, you can have a solution, provided the intellectual powers to find it exists. Given the proper information, mathematics can find a solution to anything life has to offer us. Really kills my idea of free will and freedom, I s'pose. My friends husband had a real problem with this as well - he says the there is no constant in life. All choices are completely of freewill and are responsible for shaping your future. Beautiful, huh? Brings a tear to my eye. No matter what angle I look at it, now, I just can't believe it. On that strange night in Vincennes, IN, back in '90-something or another, I was sitting on the rooftop of an historic hospital from the French and Indian war and was slightly enlightened with many thanks to the late Albert Hoffman and was staring into the heavens, slightly shared with the branches of a nearby large tree (perhaps the most organic shape we know) and everything began to work itself down into a grid of tiny triangles. There was not a shape, a flow, a wave, whisp or poof - there was not a thing that did not break down into basic geometry. It was on that night I knew that my entire belief structure was on the line. It was on Sunday I knew I was correct. I guess that says a thing or two about my calculation skills - uh, 20-some-odd years to figure it out. Now I have to begin the actual study so I can back it all with the equations and explanations necessary. Prolly another 20 years fer that to come to fruition. Another friend recently suggested I turn in my art degree for on in environmental science - and to that, I say, "The global economy would be in fer a world of shit when that happens!" Perhaps all this is the revelation needed to set in motion another direction in life. I feel like a remainder - just kinda float around 'till I finally work myself out into a whole number. Math, ha ha. Hate it.

I have talked long enough for now - time to grill some meat.

The Dark-Purple Horizon (Part 1)

I'm sitting on the edge of time, ma friend...
Its cold, but the stars keep my eyes warm
under a tent of glitter-dust wanderlust
--There's a purple horizon

I want to go on as far as the desert view - forever
Its a philosophy

Dry winds whip my trailer windows - sandy, raspy breath
god-forsaken howling
coyotes? or the ribcage skeleton-cars begging for the return of their skin?

The spirits speak in whispery tongues
their fir flavored ideas - out loud -
spinning, dancing, in tongues, they sing ceremonial patterns into the neon sky....

Oh, where am I?

Opening Day Jitters

Hello, my fellow scoundrels and mutants... First - let me introduce myself: I am the Reverend Breedlove (astral traveler, audio sculptor, life promoter and observer). I'm here cause I like to get drunk and share my brain-jelly over some toast. I have a lot of stories and opinions - all fictional of course. I keep in tow a colorful cast of freeks I've found over my majikal years.........


.......Having said that, I need to go score another twelver of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer - which, by the way, is the last Amerikan owned domestic beer, so DRINK SOME! - so we can git this party started.